Valentine's Day: Party of 1

When: February 14, 2022

Who: Little Old Me

What: A Beach Chair, Yellow Roses, and…. My Mostly Empty, Brand Spanking New Apartment

On the morning of February 14th 2022, I left my family’s house after many weekends of slowly moving out, making small repairs in my new place, painting, and buying supplies and decor. When I arrived, I was greeted with my mess of boxes, bins, and bags of things to sort through as I attempted to work from my new home on this Monday morning (also freezing since I did not know how to work the thermostat yet). While the mess was really taunting my OCD, I was also experiencing a feeling I never felt before… at least not to this magnitude.

As I sat in a beach chair in front of my bed- the single piece of actual furniture I had- waiting for my mattress delivery, I took a deep breath in of that good old “new apartment smell” and looked around at the yellow roses my grandfather gave me that morning on my windowsill. With all the natural light pouring through my bare widows, and the heat of the sun warming my face, I felt an overwhelming sense of self love, on this holiday based on receiving love from other people. And to be honest, it was a very overwhelming mix of many feelings simultaneously: appreciation, accomplishment, growth, and freedom just to name a few, which are pretty big feelings when you feel them individually. While I felt the stinging feeling of tears building in my eyes.. the best part was I knew this was just the beginning of an empowering experience that I finally believed I desperately deserved after so many years of putting others before myself.

There, in an echo-y apartment full of sunshine, I said vows to myself promising to live my life to the fullest as much as I could to make up for all the lost time; to always love myself no matter what; forgive my past mistakes and grow from them going forward, and do whatever the hell I want to do.

I know that’s a lot easier said than done.. but from here, I planned to take off running.

My phone suddenly rings, jarring me awake and back into reality- my mattress delivery- waking me up from my dream… Or did it?..